This week’s thawts:
What you identify with becomes your identity so stop identifying yourself with the worst thing that’s happened to you.
If you’re walking around toting the worst thing that’s ever happened and claiming survivorship like it’s your crown, guess what? You’ll always be a survivor. And no, it’s not that I think that’s a shitty thing but there is definitely more to you than that trauma. But the other thing about it is, the more you claim it, the more everything you say and do will orbit around that identity.You’ll use it to justify behaviors. You’ll frame your growth through that deep low. You’ll talk about the wound more than the wisdom.
And if we’re being honest, that’s where most people stop.. stuck in the story. For those of you wondering why, its:Because pain is easier to claim than power.Because trauma is seen as honest, but success feels vain.Because it’s easier to say “I’m this way because of what I went through” than it is to say “I chose this version of me on purpose.”
But what if you’re not here to keep identifying with your wounds?
What if the breakthrough isn’t that you survived... but that you stopped making your survival your whole story? There’s good that you do and there’s good in your life, but if it only feels valid to speak on the bad, then that’s the thing to work on.
You mean to tell me you can cry over your trauma with your whole chest but shrink when it’s time to talk about what you’re proud of? You’ll journal about the pain but feel awkward celebrating your joy? You’ll trauma bond with strangers but won’t let yourself shine without a disclaimer?
Is that the reality you want to live in?
It ripples. But what’s also real is that either end ripples.
If you’re constantly pouring energy into making your trauma your identity, I can almost guarantee joy will feel foreign. And when joy does arrive? It won’t feel good because you didn’t claim it with the same passion you claimed the pain. The purpose of your healing should always be for you be able to hold more joy, not avoid more trauma.
If you don’t know where to start .. start identifying with:
Your wins
Your joys
Your taste
Who you want to be (vs who you were)
What you’re working on (vs what you worked through)
The version of you who didn’t stop evolving once the pain passed
That’s the shift. That’s the edge. That’s the real growth.
You don’t need your trauma to explain your strength. You didn’t become this amazing because of what happened to you. You became amazing after because you chose to move forward, to move beyond what happened to you.
And for those who still swear:“I’m this way because I went through that.”Nope.You had to become this way in spite of that. That experience didn’t make you.YOU made you after.
Let’s stop feeding ourselves the lie that survival is the peak. Let’s stop glamorizing the wound. Let’s stop hiding behind the pain because we’re scared of who we are without it. It’ll always be there in your mind. But the weight you give it? That’s yours to set down.
Here are some prompts to help you get the process going:
Where in your life are you still introducing yourself through your wounds?(Think about the ways you downplay joy, lead with pain, or over-explain your past to feel understood.)
What feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable about identifying with your success, joy, or growth?(Name the story; is it that you’ll seem full of yourself, fake, or like you forgot where you came from?)
What version of you are you becoming and what does that version unapologetically claim?(Write from that version’s voice. What do they know? How do they speak about themselves? What are they proud of?)
with love,
Marr