I used to be a fear-based planner.
I won’t pretend I’m entirely free from it, but I’ve shifted. I’ve softened. I’ve learned to catch myself before I spiral into over-prepping, and instead, return to presence which is the version of me I actually want to be. And that shift alone has been life-changing.
This topic has been flashing like a neon sign in my mind, especially as I move deeper into work that requires intentional presence and connection. I’ve noticed how many of us — teachers, facilitators, entrepreneurs, creatives — still plan from fear. Whether it’s a fear of getting it wrong, making a mistake, being misperceived, or looking foolish, we try to soothe that fear by over-preparing. We convince ourselves we need to run every scenario through our heads so nothing goes wrong.
But here’s the truth: fear-based planning doesn’t actually prevent anything. It just creates a script we try to stick to, as if that script will protect us. What it really does is pull us away from the moment.
When I started stepping away from that script, I realized that I’m actually more attuned when I’m present. I can feel the energy of a room. I notice what people need. And most times, it’s completely different than what I would’ve prepared for.
When I show up in trust or what I’m calling trust-based presence, I realized that I don’t just feel more grounded.. I also become more flexible, more responsive, and more connected. I’m better at improvising, better at laughing off my mistakes, and better at staying human.
Fear-based planning is rooted in wanting to control how we’re perceived. If we’re being real, we’re not just afraid of messing up, we’re afraid of being seen in a way we didn’t choose, but when we plan based on fear, we’re focusing more on how we don’t want to be seen, instead of how we do want to feel. And that’s a huge difference.
Shifting out of fear doesn’t mean you never plan. It means you check the intention behind the planning. Are you trying to prevent shame? Or are you creating a container that supports your authentic presence?
When you lead with trust, you start to believe that how you show up — as you are — is more than enough. That even if you fumble or forget a line or stumble over your words, it’s not your downfall; it’s a moment. It’s human and sometimes it even makes the whole thing that much better.
I’ve seen this play out so many times in my own work. I’ve had moments in Journal Club where the music didn’t play right, or the prompts glitched, or I stumbled through my words. I used to cringe. I’d spiral. While I was quiet about it, my discomfort palpable and I could feel how that discomfort made the room tense.
Now, I laugh. I name the hiccup out loud without shame. And when I do that, it opens the room up. It invites connection. People laugh with me. They chime in. It becomes a shared, lighthearted experience.. one that actually makes the moment better than anything I could’ve scripted.
When you’re fear-based, you miss those moments. When you’re trust-based, you become available for them.
Because at the end of the day, life isn’t about perfectly sticking to your script. No one else even knows the script exists but you. You’re the only one holding yourself to that version of “perfect.”
So here’s what I’ve started doing:When fear creeps in, I don’t shame it, I soothe it. I notice what it’s afraid of. I ask myself, am I afraid of how I’ll feel? Or how someone else might perceive me? And if it’s the latter, I redirect. Because my intention is no longer to be perceived as perfect. My intention is to be present.
And when I am, I catch the nuances. I feel the energy. I flow.I leave those moments feeling proud, not because everything went flawlessly but because I stayed with myself. I trusted myself and I created something real.
*images found on Pinterest*