my journey changed for the better when i got honest

now let's dive in: 

what we’re getting into this week:

my very deep and intimate transformation journey + the process that's helped me really discover who I am

let’s get personal:

As you've seen this year, I've been trying to make a conscious effort to be more open and expressive on my socials. I think I've always played a fair game of being available and sharing tips; however, it's felt very 'through a glass.' Partially because I have my qualms about social media and the entitlement people feel over the lives of others - especially people doing things they'd never do (lol see what I mean). This year, the entrance of 2024, brought on so many realizations that while I kept social media under a specific scope, I wasn't allowing myself to see the other ways I could be utilizing the platform - ways that felt more aligned with who I am and what I want to do.

I started to think about my work and the impact I want to leave - while there’s no solid answer just yet, the work I'm doing to find those answers has been extremely rewarding and I want to share my experience because it may be helpful for whatever your path is bringing forth at the moment. When I hit this realization about my socials, it wasn't just about socials - it was about my work. What exactly was I trying to do with my coaching, who did I want to help, what was the impact going to be, and how can I get everyone involved so we can create a deep rippling effect with the healing we’re doing individually and as a community.

the process:

I cried .. a lot. I felt purposeless and useless - was I even helping anyone? Anyone can do this, who the hell is gonna pay me when they can go to anyone? What have I given my clients that's actually been useful?? What the fuck am I doing? It wasn't pretty. I told myself that it wasn't going to be pretty either. In order to change my life, I had to be willing to change. The perspective that who I am created the life I'm desiring to change is what kept me motivated when I felt very little energy to figure this thing out. I needed to look at myself honestly too - not just the bad but acknowledge the good within me and my circumstances too.

I went through a series of intense, personal journaling that I helped me start making sense of all that I felt was to come. While not easy and sometimes not questions that I had answers to, I took time each day to really dig into the ins and outs of what I really wanted out of my future, what it would be like when I got there. I knew I had to get honest with what I wanted (without judgment of it) to see just how far away from the goal I was. It’s what would allow me to be honest about where I currently was at and what real, actionable steps I would need to take to get to that spot.

I like to do this practice where I really envision the me I want to be, the me I’m striving to be and live as effortlessly. I took some time to write about, manifest, and meditate on this person: who is she, what is she into, what music does she love, what does she read/watch/consume, who are her heroes, who does she hang with, what’s her free time like, what’re the hobbies she makes time for, what’s she good at, what character traits do you admire of hers, what maintenance does she need (from bills to self-care treatments to friends), how does she connect w her friends, what vitamins does she take, what’s her movement practice like, what does she feel great about, when does she feel sexy, what does she need when she’s down and out, what fuels her, what motivates her, who are her cheerleaders + expanders, what’re her triggers + how does she handle them, what’s her truth, what’s she passionate about, what would she do if money weren’t an issue, who would she be if she knew everything was handled and will be alright.

here’s why I start here:

This person I’m metamorphosing into is who she is and she’s certain of who she is. All of the manifestations that I’m putting out there come with this version of me. I used to spend energy or time manifesting external things like a dream body or hair because I thought that would make me feel how I wanted to feel, but I had to dig further than the surface - what did I want to feel? What would the hair, body, team, etc. make me feel if all of those needs were met? That’s what I started leaning into. When I started digging into that layer, it made it easier to find out the person I’m becoming and how to bloom into that. When we really align ourselves with the version we aspire to be, we become our own goals. The future we envision and know is on its way to us becomes the goal, the daydream, the manifestation, the scripting, etc. The energy you give it becomes so strong and leans so heavily in the truth of who you are authentically that it calls in your desires (and more) in such a beautiful way.

Once I nailed down that version of me, let’s call her my favorite version of me, it became so easy to lean into her whenever I was meditating or needed to get back to my present moment. Being more aligned with that vision of the future, the vision of all I’ll feel in the future, I kept adding to it. It became the film I was writing, directing, and starring in. I found myself smiling at the thoughts and visuals of me in that future - enjoying the fruits of the labor I was currently putting in. I soon noticed that my idle mind would go there too, to that sweet space where all of the things I desire and was calling in would flow easily to me. While I’m still in a version of all of this, I notice each layer requires similar yet different healing. For example: all of this has applied to my friendships and relationships allowing me to sit deep in my yeses and nos, however the healing has looked very tender and gentle and full of reminders that freedom and loneliness carry the same traits. On a different note, this same process and realization helped me see how I wanted to shift my offerings and that healing looked more like needing cheerleaders and expanders around.

It’s important to recognize that while this process is helpful to seeing where we’re at, where we want to be, and how we can build trust in the process to get there - we have to tend to ourselves to make sure we have it in us to get through it. Checking in with yourself daily, ensuring you’re taking care of mind and body, using practices like breathwork, meditation, movement, and therapeutic writing, engaging in hobbies, helping others, being kind to yourself, and so on. I also align myself with the action that, that favorite version of me would take. I had to put myself in the timeline - bringing myself think, feel, trust, and move with her in mind and take care of myself as she would through it.

the gains:

Things shifted quickly - I not only noticed that things from my past were no longer fitting my life the same way - friends, work, hobbies, etc. I felt like I was trying to fit myself into things I thought were good for me but were actually harmful comfort zones ones that kept me stagnant. I kept diving into the unknown to shake up the patterning and programming that I felt was keeping me looped into the reality I was grateful for but also working hard to shift and align more with the version of me that I know I deeply am. As I leaned deeper into the unknown, I found myself in a mindset of fuck it, just go. I applied it everywhere - to scholarship applications, job applications, connecting with people, sliding into the DMs of people I admire, complimenting strangers, asking for something I need/desire, etc. What I’ve noticed is that when we open ourselves up, we give the greatness we’re seeking a place to land. We’re opening up ourselves to the new, to the possibilities that we actually want because we’re willing to believe that in that unknown there’s a chance it may just happen.

so dive into your unknown, it’s full of surprises.

marr’s neuroscience corner:

As I share my personal journey with you, it's fascinating to recognize the alignment of my experiences with neuroscience principles. My candid account reflects a deep understanding of the brain's inner workings. By beginning this journey of self-discovery and envisioning my future self, I intuitively tapped into the neuroscience of goal setting. It's remarkable how my reflections and practices mirror the findings of neuroscience research. My story serves as a testament to the power of personal growth and the profound impact it has on our brains. So, as we navigate our own paths of growth and self-discovery, let's acknowledge the neuroscience behind our aspirations, honoring the remarkable capacity of the brain to manifest our dreams into reality.

a collection of small ways to dive into the unknown this week:

things changing my life right now:

becoming supernatural by joe dispenza | to be magnetic deep imaginings + journaling (use code: adelfa for $$$ off) | open meditations + movement (free 30-day nervous system reset)  | pimsleur language learning | patchology under-eye masks | pmd pro mirror | weleda super rich cream | the sun