I realize that I had glass ceilings in almost every department. Ones that kept me from accessing a potential I kept feeling so close yet so fucking far away from. I knew I could always feel the end-result. When it was meant for me and meant to be mine I could feel it. Why could I feel the embodiment of my desired self so close but not get to her? Glass ceiling. Why could I feel the deeper success of my business but not be in it? Glass ceiling. How do I have so many good notes but they’re sitting unfinished in the confines of every fucking device? Glass ceiling.
glass ceiling between me and desired self: wondering what it would mean if i embodied a being that was fully sensual, joyous, and excited because that’s how the universe likes when I communicate with it
glass ceiling between me and my biz: the fear of being misunderstood causing me to overwork thinking it was ensuring everyone got every inch of my teachings just as intended leaving me uninspired and unmotivated and misunderstood anyway
glass ceiling between sharing my work /musings : the need to write perfectly and to create impact with each piece which often leaves me feeling like nothings really good or it’s all too long and unnecessary or too performed and not authentic
Again who put these here? LOL And more importantly, why’re they still here?
I’ve been over it for some time - you know, the feeling of being so close yet so far, the fear of the true unknown (I was getting cozy with the Known Unknown), the desire over the embodiment, the lack of trust.
However, seeing myself overcome all of this was just the start. It was the universe responding to my bid for collaboration. It let me know that what I was feeling is right and I’m clearly on the path. However, it also let me know that we don’t baby step into the final level. Nor do we want to.
Trees move slow. So should we. So I’m baby-stepping my way through my evolution. Crawling when needed, falling when necessary, and getting up and trying for that next push forward when it feels right. Each movement, small or large, creates impact - further shattering the glass ceilings mentioned above.
My ceramic baby feet can withstand the shards, if any. More importantly than handling impact was and is recognizing that when the glass shatters, the pieces wither. Contrary to the expectation that it’ll come flying toward you or penetrate your skin.
As the glass ceiling breaks and the pieces wither, I continue to take these exciting, exploratory, lurches into the unkown with full trust that the universe is on the other side with arms wide open waiting to:
catch me
congratulate me
show me the “better” that was on the other side of grace and patience
further affirm that I’m on the right path
But the universe can’t chef it up for me if I’m hovering in the kitchen with no trust. So I’m putting full trust in myself and this process and saying fuck it. here’s what my fuck it looks like:
posting shit like this instead of the 8-paged essay detailing how and why I came to the conclusion I want to break my glass ceiling
trusting myself through the unknown unknown
not bringing past feelings into my future
listening to my gut / compass even if it doesn’t make sense in the moment
trusting I’ve seen the end picture and that my baby steps are what lead me there
not forcing shit
making sure I fill my cup every morning and taking breaks when needed
only working with a full cup + being real about it
not assuming responsibility for unspoken feelings of others
setting boundaries when I feel em the first time
not holding in feelings (they tend to build resentment)
having a “for the fuck of it” folder where I create daily
not asking for opinions before I post / share
We’re taught to not break things but I’m here to wreck em. And to be honest, my “wrecking of shit” is pretty sweet. Cheers to this growth <3